Lockdown this time is weird.
Still feels awkward and I’m still a grumpy bitch (my poor children) and I’m still ready to not be at home all the time anymore.
But it also feels familiar and the trauma response has been more diluted by that fact somehow. The hope that this won’t last 6 months this time is something of a shield against the melt down response I apparently ‘normally’ have.
Since coming out of the last lockdown, I’ve been generally happier, more driven to sort my shit out and I’ve lost 7 kilos too. It’s been pretty good, if busy.
So I feel like I have my feet in two emotional camps- sitting on the floor of the bathroom, kids in the bath shrieking, solo parenting with a head cold, thankful for the few days of nothing and the children who have played happily together all day, trying not to think of what a 1st birthday in iso feels like, dreaming of diet and bank account debilitating/ emotionally soothing KFC although the kids had mushroom pasta…
Happy, sad, thankful, pissy, hungry…
Guys, this lock down is just plain weird. Ugh.