This is legit where I get the most work done at the moment. And I gotta tell you-I don’t love it.

In case you didn’t guess- this is the view from the armchair in my girls bedroom where I sit most nights cuddling my 8 month old and desperately trying to coax her to sleep.

She’s exhausted. But she’s not at all keen.

I’ll try the works- boob her. Rock her. Sing. Cradle her. Hold her upright. Shush her. Lose my damn mind.
If I leave the room- she loses hers and wakes everyone else.
Come to think of it if I stay she does that too.

Way back when I had my first born- I would see those little advice pamphlets that tell you to just put the baby down and leave the room if you found yourself getting too cross.
At the time I didn’t get it at all.
Why would you be angry with a baby?

Well- knowing that there’s no dinner and a cold cup of tea in the kitchen, a trashed play room next door and the most writing, course development or sitting the fuck down I’m going to get done is going to happen (if I’m lucky) from this chair, beneath a cranky, teething, wriggling, screaming baby —has really helped me understand the desire to simply run screaming into the night.

Don’t get me wrong- I love her so very much and I don’t blame my poor baby for needing support to sleep. But motherhood is a full 👏 time 👏 gig. Two full time gigs at least actually. One we too often feel we are doing alone. And there’s just not enough space or help in the current set up for us to get shit done/ contribute/ get creative/ better our situation even though it’s pretty much the most important job you can do. And that’s where I’m finding myself searching for more space for me and my endeavours.
That’s where I’m hitting my limit.

You know?