I’m not what you’d call an advocate for yelling at kids. Or really any sort of shame, intimidation or punishment as a means of managing behaviour.
The reason being that when this is the go to approach… it just flat out doesn’t work. These sorts of responses to challenging behaviour are usually pretty reactive. They come flying out of anger or exhaustion and they don’t really teach the kid how to self regulate or how to manage better next time.
Things like yelling really only work when consciously and super rarely used. For example when the child is doing something unsafe and needs an immediate shock into redirection. They’re only going to respond if they very rarely hear a parent raising their voice.
Having said all of that… I do yell at my kids sometimes. I feel crappy about it but I do. Some of this is because it’s still so deeply programmed given this is how I (and most of my generation) were raised and educated. Some of it is because when you’ve been kicking your own ass up and down the street all day to be a really fine parent and you still have a tiny person demanding sweets, smearing food on the clean floor or just finding that very last nerve and jumping all over it… the human response sometimes is to get cranky and yell.
To be honest 2020 was the carefully laid tower of bricks collapsing for me with regards to NEVER losing my temper with my precious offspring.
So while I’m trying to get my shit back together and find more clarity and more strategies to support myself and my kids in their behaviour… I also sometimes wonder if maybe them seeing my human side, recognising that at some point mum has had enough or has some boundaries around her time, space or energy is not the absolute worst thing.
And really I think it just shows that you can have all the theory in the world on your side. You can know all the rules and best practice and just want to hold space and love on your kids however wide they push you. But in reality, on the ground… nobody gets this shit right 100% of the time. And that’s ok for them to learn too.