- One of the reasons I’ve started hammering on about taking better care of ourselves is this— it has never been so important or felt harder to do so.
This photo is me in the Aldi parking lot, after my first solo shop in 18 months (I used to go alone or with just the one kid in tow weekly prior to this). Make up free, hair unbrushed, but here nonetheless.
And it might seem small, but being alone like this, and the idea of being alone being some sort of luxury… it’s made me notice that I’ve sort of forgotten myself during this pandemic.
When this all started- I was a mum and a partner, I was a teacher, I attended birth and I adored that, I was a psychology student and I was pretty on top of things. I felt a sense of real ownership over where my life was going.Now, I’m sure some of you have noticed the erratic nature of some of my posts over the last year or so. And even though I have judged that fact very harshly on the sidelines- it’s actually a fair representation of how I feel- erratic. And a bit like I have failed in all I had set out to achieve. Despite everything.
Getting a foot hold on who I am, what I’m doing, how I want to run my life and how to feel fulfilled and cared for feels like a labyrinth right now.
Every day I feel like I work some stuff out. Then the next day I’m back at square one.
Now the powers that be are talking about opening up and what that means. And as much as I want to cry tears of joy at the mere concept that we might get back to some semblance of normal… I’m also like ‘f$!&— I literally cannot remember who she is that lived in an ‘opened up’ world. What do I even do now?’
I wish I could remember what it is I want to do. I wish my drive to do those things would just magically reappear. But actually, I can’t just pick up where I left off, because I’m not who I used to be.
None of us are.
We are all just that little bit damaged.
So we need to care for, heal and love on ourselves a whole heck of a lot.
It feels so counterintuitive to do less instead of more to fix what is broken here. But I think rest and recuperation needs to be at the top of the priority list. Even when it feels clunky and gross.
How about you? Are you doing ok in the face of it all?
Please look after yourself. ♥️